i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
