I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
