i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
