he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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