he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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