I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Alive.
So much puke
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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