I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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