I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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