Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i have two assholes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize