we have officially lost it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
