If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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