I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
