So drunk its hurt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
