if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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