I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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