I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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