aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Mom said you looked used
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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