I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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