yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
