sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
