hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
