I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
