i will never coherently bang her
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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