you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
