yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
