Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
