I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we're making bets on your personal life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
