her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
