Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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