so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
