I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
