well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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