every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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