She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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