just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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