and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
