Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
