how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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