Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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