I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
