he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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