Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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