Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
