Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
