He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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