One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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