yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
