Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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