The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
