I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
50% drunk capacity currently
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
