the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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