The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
