New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
