I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
