I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
