i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
