You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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