cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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