it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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