My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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