Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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