R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
